lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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