I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
