Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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