So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
