I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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