Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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