woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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