Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
