If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
