Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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