We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
