bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
