just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
