I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
