ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everclear isn't food dammit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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