I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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