Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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