i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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