well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
