We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
