The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
