i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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