I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
