Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
