he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
