New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
