he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
