Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
