Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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