I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
