Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
