would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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