apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
