My sheets look like a crime scene.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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