The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
