I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
