jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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