I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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