Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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