Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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