K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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