Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
