Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
