I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
