I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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