Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
