you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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