You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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