A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was born a porn star she said
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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