I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
