My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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