My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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