I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
