It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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