Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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