maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
