I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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