i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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