When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
