Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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