Sry I called you an 8
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
