Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
