I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
