Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
