barbara walters just said penis...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
