..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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