I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
