Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
